Mental Health Indiana

In a similar way, we humans are built for balance.  A poem that relates the teachings of a Lakota elder to a young man explains the concept this way:

"In life there is sadness as well as joy;
Losing as well as well as winning;
Falling as well as standing;
Hunger as well as plenty;
Bad as well as good.

Use "I" statements.  When you say "I feel...," I think...," "I want..." you take responsibility for yourself and let others know who you are and where you stand. Although "you" statements may seem more comfortable and conversational, they allow room to not be fully responsible for thoughts or actions, as well as contributing to misunderstanding.   For example, compare these statements: 

• "You know, when you really want something and just can't get it, you really feel frustrated and even angry."  (Who is being talked about?  What is the speaker trying to say?)
• "When I really want something and can't get it I really feel frustrated and angry." (See, that's clearer, isn't it?)

Watch out for "but."  It has been said that when there is a "but" in a sentence, either whatever came before it or what comes after it is a lie. For example:  "I like your work, but what you did today was not very good."   (He doesn't like the work at this moment does he?); or: "I don't want to hurt your feelings but you were pretty offensive." (Here the "but" really means "I am going to hurt your feelings anyway.")

Try using "and" instead of "but."  Like this: "I like your work, and, what you did today was not very good." (The "and" allows both statements to be true.) ; or: "I don't want to hurt your feelings, and, you were pretty offensive." (Again, both things can be true.)

As a society and as individuals we don't grieve very well.  It is ironic that for most of us, gains and celebrations of new things are the stuff of good conversations and social interaction from pleasant to jovial and even triumphant.  Births, marriages, promotions, new homes and graduations are all met with parties, decorations, smiles, laughter and all manner of open and public displays of delight, joy and celebration.  Yet, because every gain or success must have an end, there are almost certainly at least as many losses in our lives as gains.  Isn't it odd that the act of grieving is not only poorly done, if is it acknowledged at all, and that it is also one of the most actively suppressed emotional states we can experience?

Journaling is a lot like what your mother may have told you about taking medicine: “It’s good for you, so do it anyway.” Now, whatever comes up in you with that memory, make a stretch to step past it because this is not something your mother is telling you to do. Journaling is a choice you get to make for yourself. And that is what this little note is about – how you do it just for yourself. Here are the basics:

• Your journal is private – a communication for you alone. No one – EVER – is to read any part of it. If you want to share something with someone - even with your counselor – read it to them.
• If you cannot guarantee your journal will remain private, burn the pages after you write them (Do it safely, please!)
• Remember, there is no grade. Don’t worry about sentences, spelling, grammar or neatness.
• Write whatever comes in your head – no matter what.
• If you can’t think of anything, write about what it is like to not have anything to write about.
• Write often – more than you want to or think you need to.

Oh, you are wondering what you will get out of journaling? No one can tell you. You can only find out by doing it.

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."  This simple phrase from author Steven Covey speaks to the most critical part of effective communication - to first understand the other.  Three simple steps are critical to effective listening and understanding : Mirroring, Validating and Empathizing.  They are the first and necessary steps to resolving relationship conflict and increasing connection.