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10 Reasons Therapy Won't Work

Have you or someone you know had an unpleasant experience in counseling or therapy? Have you spent time and money only to find that you are no better off than before? Counseling and therapy are not panaceas, and there are limitations that even the best therapists can do little about. Written below are 10 reasons therapy won't work, and if you can be aware of these pitfalls (and how to avoid them in the first place!), you will find that your experience in counseling or therapy can be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling.

First and foremost, therapy won’t work if you’re not ready for change. It sounds simple, but readiness for change is one of the most crucial factors in positive outcome from counseling, therapy, coaching, etc. Whether you are looking to add positive, remove negative, or maintain healthy behaviors in your life, its going to require you to stretch beyond your comfort zone
Therapy won’t work if you don’t have courage. For many of us, therapy can reveal some unsettling and even unpleasant truths about ourselves and our lives. Sooner or later we have to face up to our truths if we are to create change in our lives, and that requires courage. “Courage” it has been said, “is not the absence of fear, but action despite it”. No matter how frightening it may be, trust the therapeutic process. It’s ok to feel afraid, angry or ashamed. It’s ok to not want to talk about it (it’s even better to talk about why you don’t want to talk about it) Even when it feels like down is the only direction you are going, remember that therapy is designed to help you through problems, and that the view gets better on the other side.
Therapy won’t work if your therapist is your friend. Your therapist is not your friend. That doesn’t mean your therapist doesn’t care about you, or even like you as a person, but they are a trained professional who’s first and foremost commitment is your growth, development, and mental health. Ethically their primary objective is to be so helpful that you don’t need their services anymore, and to do so in the shortest amount of time possible. It is perfectly normal to have fantasies about being friends with your therapist, and is often helpful to discuss it with them, but ethical standards are in place to prevent this because it is counterproductive to the client’s therapeutic development.
Therapy won’t work if you don’t show up. This is both literal and figurative. Therapy is a process that builds on itself to gather psychic momentum, and erratic attendance is a great way to minimize progress. The frequency of therapy might vary (one hour twice a month, 3 visits every week, etc.), but consistency is crucial. Figuratively showing up consists of being present to the process and aware in the moment. Thinking about what you had for lunch earlier, or what might be on TV tonight, while excusable, is a great way to avoid the work in front of you. If you find yourself being drawn to some past or future distraction, talk about it. There is always the potential to draw rich material from the mundane.
Therapy won’t work if it never leaves the room. Typically therapy is an hour once or twice a week. Even though it is relatively little time, much can happen. Breakthroughs, “aha” moments, and revelations can happen at any moment, and when therapeutic change does take place, it’s instantaneous. But unless you are in therapy for purely psychic exercise, it’s likely that something external to therapy has brought you there in the first place. Unlike Vegas, what happens in therapy must not stay in therapy. Since your therapist is bound by confidentiality, it is up to you to take your work out in the world. Perhaps it is contacting someone you hurt and offering an apology. Perhaps it is standing up for yourself at work, or having a difficult conversation with a loved one. Maybe its standing on a public street and singing at the top of your lungs! Regardless of the what, unless you plan on bringing the rest of your life into therapy, you have to take your therapy to your life
Therapy won’t work if you’re not honest. It is critical to be honest with your therapist. Therapists are usually good at guessing what is going on inside a person, but they are by no means mind readers. The “guess what I’m thinking” approach doesn’t work well in any relationship. A therapist can either spend their time trying to figure out if you are lying, or they can spend their time trying to figure out how to best help. Much more common than intentional deception is the “un-honesty” of not wanting the therapist to know that you feel hurt or angry at something that occurred in therapy, or that you have a very strong judgment about them that they probably don’t want to hear. This is something that they are trained for, and will recognize the courage and honesty it takes to share that.
Therapy won’t work if you don’t work. Therapy is work, and often the most exhausting kind. It can be emotionally, mentally, and even physically draining. The therapeutic process requires commitment, initiative, and courage (there’s that word again). Some therapists will assign “homework” to encourage the client’s progress. Read books, have conversations, journal (the most effective yet underrated therapeutic tool) – anything that keeps you consciously practicing the skills you are learning in session. If one factor determined the quality of a skill, it would have to be repetition. If I have a piano lesion one hour every week, and practice piano 10 minutes every day, will I get better at playing piano? Of course I will! What then happens if I go to therapy and complain about how bad my life is? And then spend 10 minutes complaining every day – what will I get then? If practice makes perfect, be careful what you practice.
Therapy won’t work if you can’t make mistakes. If therapy doesn’t feel clumsy at times, then you’re not doing it right! The emotional and mental anxiety that takes place in therapy is there in part because you are learning new, healthier ways of being in an effort to replace the old unhealthy or unhelpful ways. Any new skill is awkward at first, and it seems the more important it is, the more awkward it feels. In baseball, a player is considered good if they can hit the ball 30% of the time. Remember you’re a rookie and cut yourself some slack.
Therapy won’t work if your therapist won’t work. While requirement vary from state to state, most if not all therapists are required to participate in case supervision and ongoing education. Find out what their professional requirements are, and by how much they exceed them. In addition your therapist should be regularly attending their own personal therapy. This may group, relational, or individual therapy, and it may take many different forms, but a therapist who doesn’t do their own work shouldn’t be working with you on yours. You have every right to ask your potential therapist “how often do you attend therapy?”, “What have you learned from your own therapy?” or even “What’s your stuff?”. All therapists are not created equal, and there is a lot of bad therapy out there.
Therapy won’t work if it doesn’t work. As mentioned above, change happens in an instant. A good therapist will start the relationship by helping you clarify your goals for therapy, and try to make them simple, attainable, and objective. If you are months into therapy with no remarkable progress, then it’s not working. Research suggests that if you haven’t seen results in 6 session, you’re not likely to in more time. Good therapy is mostly about the quality of relationship between the therapist and client, and if its not a good fit, then its time to find another therapist. Your therapist should know this, and if the two of you are unable to establish and meet therapeutic goals in a reasonable time, their primary concern should be connecting you with someone who can.