Mental Health Counseling Indianapolis Indiana

In a similar way, we humans are built for balance.  A poem that relates the teachings of a Lakota elder to a young man explains the concept this way:

"In life there is sadness as well as joy;
Losing as well as well as winning;
Falling as well as standing;
Hunger as well as plenty;
Bad as well as good.

Grandfather does not say this
To make you despair,
But to teach you reality;
To teach you that life is a journey
Sometimes walked in light,
Sometimes in shadow.

...You have weaknesses

As well as strength.
You have both because in life
There are two of everything.
Within you is the will to win
As well as the willingness to lose,
The heart to feel compassion
As well as the smallness to be arrogant.
Within you is the will to face life
As well as the fear to turn away from it."

This simple truth that our lives are meant to be in balance is often lost in a strong social and sometimes familial expectations to be always happy, always successful, never upset or less than perfect.  To deny the balance of all parts of ourselves is to deny who we are as humans.  We fail, we struggle, sometimes we succeed and sometimes we don't.

On the other hand, making dramatic swings between the extremes of moods, actions or feelings is not healthy either - that is not balance.  The wisdom is in learning to recognize and own what we don't want to see in ourselves, those parts that we might be least proud of, while at the same time accepting and enjoying fully our most wonderful parts and talents that make us uniquely who we are.   Too much one way may lead us to depression, too much the other may lead us to mania or narcissism.  In balance, we are whole and in tune with all of who we really are.

Finding the balance can be difficult work, often requiring us to entertain thoughts and make choices that seem contrary to what we have been taught to believe we "should" do, think or feel.  And, if we can make the choices to look at ourselves and our world differently, the possibilities can be tremendous.

The old man in the poem quoted above advises the young man to learn and gain strength in his struggles, to find hope in taking the next step. Most importantly:

"Grandfather says this:  ‘Keep going!'"

John Goll is an Indiana Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). He helps couples, families and individuals understand the patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that keep them from having the relationships and the successes that they desire, while working with them to mobilize their ability and power to make the choices and changes that will make a real difference in their lives.