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Adults and Being Considerate |
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The generational boundary that has historically existed between children and adults has been eroded. Initially, a child is shown as she fails to honor this boundary. After instruction from the mentor, she addresses the adult with a title to demonstrate respect. Respect is defined by the teacher as a matter of behavior (“using courteous language in a pleasant tone of voice”), not an emotion or thought. Thus the child is counseled to behave in a respectful fashion even if she may not feel respect for the adult. Inconsiderate behavior followed by consideration on the part of the child is then demonstrated.
During the holiday break, there are many opportunities to read, one of my favorite hobbies. One of the books I chose was Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking. Joan writes of the year after her husband’s sudden death when she is also dealing with the serious illness of her only daughter. In addition to the topic of grief, Didion handles the lack of control we feel about the events that occur in our lives; made all the more
potent in the illusion that at some point we did have control. Her description of the grieving process beautifully captures its non-linear, non-predictable nature. Ms. Didion is a highly educated published writer yet the denial and pain of the grief is illustrated by her unwillingness to give away John’s shoes after his death, “ in case he needs them.” Reading this account of grief, brings to mind all of the other things we grieve in our lives. Grief in this case is the loss of a mate through death but the feelings of grief may also occur with the loss of a relationship, such as a divorce or break up. It might also occur when we lose the idea of a relationship that we thought should have been a certain way but wasn’t, like a relationship with a parent or a sibling. The grief that occurs when we process these types of losses may not come on as suddenly as that of a death but may be processed in a similar manner.Didion gives a personal voice to the process and her book is as much a love story and tribute to her relationship with her husband as it is a study of her process. There is much to be heard in this book at many levels.
Esther Perel has written a book on marriage with interesting ideas in addition to an interesting title. The book is Mating in Captivity and it challenges the idea of the sexless marriage. Dr. Perel offers reasons why a couple’s sexual relationship shifts after marriage and kids and offers solutions to remedy this issue. She examines cultural beliefs that support this problem in addition to a theory of how intimacy can squelch sexual desire. Worth reading if this is an issue in your marriage and even if its not.
marriage and family therapy, individual consultation and coaching, pastoral psychotherapy, certified imago relationship therapist
I have been working with people in the context of their families, culture and social economic status for over 17 years. To do this I provide individual and family counseling, marital therapy and pre-marital counseling as well as divorce recovery in a safe, supportive enviroment. Common concerns you may experience include: depression, anxiety, difficulty sleeping (emotional issues), trouble adjusting to transitions such as aging, children as they reach adolescence, changes in relationships or work. If you are experiencing any of these issues, professional intervention is usually helpful. I have a great deal of experience with child development and parenting issues as well. Mental Health |