Directory of Therapists, Counselors and Mental Health Professionals in Indianapolis and Central Indiana
| Life Coach, Darlene Graham |
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More info... Darlene is a therapist-in-training at the CTS Counseling Center and a life coach. She specializes in personal professional growth and development as well as lifestyle change. Please feel free to contact her for a complimentary coaching session and for information about the services she offers. Call Darlene today to experience the growth you've been seeking!! I have been working with people in the context of their families, culture and social economic status for over 17 years. To do this I provide individual and family counseling, marital therapy and pre-marital counseling as well as divorce recovery in a safe, supportive enviroment. Common concerns you may experience include: depression, anxiety, difficulty sleeping (emotional issues), trouble adjusting to transitions such as aging, children as they reach adolescence, changes in relationships or work. If you are experiencing any of these issues, professional intervention is usually helpful. I have a great deal of experience with child development and parenting issues as well. If you call to schedule a couples therapy session, here is what you should expect. An initial appointment will be scheduled and it is important that both members of the couple attend. The initial session or two will involve taking a history. I will ask about the current problem and any precipitating factors. A complete history of the couple relationship will be taken. I will also take a history of each individual partner and their family of origin. This information will be used in a subsequent analysis. I use an Imago style approach to couples therapy. This means that one of the primary areas of focus will be an evaluation of unmet needs in childhood from one's early caretakers. The theory suggests that we unconsciously choose mates who we hope can fill our unmet childhood needs while at the same time provide some familiarity (both positive and negative) with the way we were raised. How we react to those in our most intimate relationships are therefore highly influenced by how we were raised. Naming, understanding and bringing these expectations to the forefront help understand partners' behaviors towards each other and hopefully allow the couple enough empathy to change the way they react to each other. As in other types of therapy, progress goals will be set and the length of therapy depends on the effort and progress made by the couple. One of the greatest challenges in parenting is setting clear, consistent rules for your children. Although the content and consequences vary by age, consistency in enforcement remains crucial regardless of the age of the child. Here are some ideas to help with setting rules that are effective and consequences that are workable for you as a parent to enforce. Know your own rules. This seems obvious, yet how are children to know the rules if you don’t have a clear idea of what is important to you. Some rules are safety issues and are never negotiable, like crossing the street without looking or leaving the home without permission. Other rules set guidelines about how to treat others or family standards. Determine for yourself if your rules involve safety issues or values that you want to impress upon your child. Most parents have rules that fall in both categories. Make a list of rules that are important to you. Make sure that the rules are clear. Define rules by specific behaviors. “Don’t get in trouble” leaves too much room for interpretation by both you and your child. “Treat me with respect” can be equally vague for a teenager. Behavioral requests such as: look at me when I am talking to you, do not begin to talk until I am finished, do not roll your eyes or walk away while I am talking to you are helpful. Have conversations about rules when they are not being broken. Define the rules with your children when you are not angry and when they are open to listening. If you chose, you may even explain why you are setting a rule. Keep in mind that an explanation does not open the rule to negotiation but rather allows for understanding. Discussing a rule prior to its violation allows for clear expectations for the child and consistency in enforcement from the parent. Set clear, simple consequences. These must also be discussed when the rules are set. There may be different levels of consequences. If a child breaks rule X, they might lose TV for a day. Subsequent violation may lead to a loss for a week or grounding (be sure to define what grounding means if you use it). Some safety rules may have more severe consequences on one violation to enforce the importance of the rule. Follow through on the consequences that are set. Without this step, setting rules is a worthless exercise. Help your self in this area by not setting up consequences that limit you. Don’t take away a movie if you want to see it. Determine how you will find support when enforcement is difficult.Parenting isn’t easy but rule setting and enforcement can become easier if you are intentional about your rules and consequences and are clear about how rules will be enforced. |
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